the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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