Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Randomize