he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
