Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
