I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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