How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
