yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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