dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
