i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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