we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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