Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
