I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
