he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
