This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
