The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
