he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize