first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
