I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
