He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
