fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
