You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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