you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
