So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
