Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
