Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
