Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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