we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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