saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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