I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
