Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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