As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
