My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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