If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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