i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
