you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
