I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
