I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
