I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
