I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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