You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
