i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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