I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
