i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
