You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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