she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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