when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
