I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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