I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
