Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Randomize