Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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