Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
