i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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