if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
