I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Randomize
