Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Randomize