1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
