She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
