So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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