Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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