my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
