she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
