Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
