No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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