Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
