So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
