He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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