I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize