my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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