dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
