I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize
