shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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