Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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