evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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