Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
