i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Boobs speak an international language.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
